Throughout history, many famous people are linked with various memorable quotes. Patrick Henry stated, “Give me liberty, or give me death.” “I have a dream” was uttered from the lips of Martin Luther King, Jr. Even Tom Hanks’s, “There’s no crying in baseball” is forever etched into our minds. Well, in the historically significant journeys of JMH, one quote rings true no matter what path we tread or destination we sought.
“I have to pee.”
Now anyone who has known me, or been around me during my blessed life, has come to realize I have a small bladder. Heck, growing up, I was always teased that in the womb I must have split a full sized bladder with my twin sister or something. In any case, I peed. A lot. This was always a curse on road trips as it always seemed we would be making fantastic progress and then...Uhmm...Time to find a bathroom.
Luckily for me, Matt’s bladder size was pretty consistent with mine. When I had to go, it seemed as though he had to go, or vice versa. It was a blessing to have a pee buddy. Heck, if you read any of our earlier posts, you would have learned this was one of the reasons we connected back in high school. Bathroom buddies to prevent assaults by upperclassmen on us lowly freshmen folk. But that’s yet another tale already told...
We had set out one late afternoon for the glorious land known as Riverport. Aerosmith was calling our name and we had put together a small rag tag group of four other friends to accompany us. Traditionally, it was just Matt and me, but Aerosmith was a huge venue and we had others around us that were eager to be a part of the JMH concert experience. Since the black Ford Ranger was really only a two seater, three if you didn’t mind straddling the stick shift, we had piled the crew into Matt’s mother’s ancient Cadillac.
With three in the front and three in the back, we headed over to the land of St. Lou ready to be a part of what the legendary band had to offer. Now we made good progress, we were making good progress. Past Okawville. Past O’Fallon. Over the Mighty Mississippi. Then, like always, it hit. The pangs. The squirming. The uncomfortable feeling. I spoke from the passenger seat.
“Matt?”
Without even looking at me, “What?”
“I have to pee.”
He gave me the nod. The nod that meant, “I have to go too, but I was waiting for you to say something first” nod. “I will stop at the next exit.”
I looked out my window and became a little concerned. We were in unfamiliar territory. Most of the time, our pit stops were places of recognition. Okawville. O’Fallon. This time however, I pushed myself to the limit. I really thought I was going to be able to make it the entire way. I let Matt pass up our comfort zones. I had made a mistake.
We were down in the HEART of St. Louis. “Are you sure? I mean I can try and wait.”
“No, we got this.” I could tell Matt had to go just as bad or more than I did. “Look, Goodfellow Boulevard. Sounds like a nice place.”
Matt turned his blinker on and we coasted onto the exit ramp. Coming up to the stop sign at the top, Matt pointed to a gas station off to the right. “There. We will stop there and then jump right back onto the interstate.”
Sounded good.
We pulled into the lot. That’s when I noticed the neighborhood. Rundown and spray painted buildings. Police car sirens in the distance. People on the sidewalks glaring at us as though we didn’t belong.
As we climbed out of the vehicle, Matt leaned back into the car, “Lock the doors, but keep the car running.” I laughed at him. He was being a little extreme, wasn’t he?
We both headed across the parking lot and past the gas pumps that were nestled in the middle of the lot. Up ahead was a large building, mostly made of glass. I approached the door of the establishment and gave it a good tug. It was locked. Confused, thinking it was a mistake, I gave it another tug. Locked. I peered inside. Everything seemed to be just as any other gas station I had ever been to. Snacks. Drinks. Automobile odds and ends.
“What’s wrong?”
I turned to Matt. “The door won’t open.”
Matt gave it a quick tug, as if I was making the whole thing up. Satisfied that I was being completely honest with him, Matt motioned for me to follow. We walked down the side of the building to a window at the end of the structure. A man sat on the other side, perched atop a four legged stool. A microphone extended from the glass in front of him. That’s when I noticed the glass. Thick glass. The thickest I had ever seen in my life.
Bulletproof glass.
I looked to Matt. He seemed to have noticed the details of the glass at the same time I did. His complexion took on that of a gallon of 2% milk.
"Can I help you boys?” The man’s voice was amplified in decibel, but sounded as if coming from inside a cardboard box.
“Bathroom?”
The man pointed, “Back of the building.”
I looked down. A small drawer extended from the glass window. At closer inspection, I noticed the drawer extended and retracted into the store window. It was then that I realized why. No one went into the station. He didn’t come out of the station. All things were transferred by that drawer from the man behind the bulletproof glass to the customer on the outside of the bulletproof glass.
I suddenly realized I was not on the side of the glass that I should be. Matt grabbed my arm. “Come on!”
I followed my friend blindly. We stumbled over the concrete lot and around the side of the structure. The backside opened up to a gravel alleyway with a dark blue dumpster pushed up against the station. Two doors were cut into the side of the building. We approached the one labeled MEN’S. That’s when I noticed something odd.
The door was wide open.
I walked up to the entrance and peered in. It was like from a crime television show or horror movie. Red smears were all over the floor and walls. A yellow piece of tape was slung across the center of the doorway.
“Police: Do Not Cross.”
I looked to Matt, his eyes were as wide as the Grand Canyon. “It’s a freakin’ crime scene!” Matt reached out and grabbed the knob on the women’s restroom. It turned a tad, but wouldn’t budge. It was locked.
“Come on, Matt. Let’s go up the road aways.” I was already starting back to the car.
“I gotta go, man! I can’t make it.”
I turned, Matt had assumed the position against the back wall of the building and unzipped his pants. Then came the slight sound of liquid hitting the pavement. I checked our surroundings. I didn’t see anyone in the immediate vicinity. Shrugging my shoulders, I stood next to Matt and joined him.
Just think of the crazy chalk outline the police would have to draw if we get shot and killed like this!” I joked trying to finish as quickly as I could.
“Wouldn’t be enough chalk to capture my girth!” Matt quipped.
Suddenly a siren filled the air. A loud pop came from behind us to the right. “Someone’s shooting at us!” Matt screamed.
We both reacted as gracefully as we could, zipping our pants and half running around the gas station to the parking lot. I ducked and zig zagged, just like I had seen people do in the movies. Matt was doing the same.
The sirens drew closer.
“Go! Go! Go!” Matt screamed.
We reached the car, both of us reaching out to open our respective doors. Neither one opened. They were still locked.
“Open the door!” Matt screamed.
Inside, our fellow concert goers were in shock. They had no clue what was transpiring, nor how to react. It was as if time stood still. Both of us watched helplessly as our friend in the front seat moved forward to hit the unlock button. It was as if she was moving in slow motion.
CLUNK.
Matt and I both tore open our doors and jumped in. “Get down! Get down!” Matt yelled as he threw the car into drive. Our passengers just stared at us, dumbfounded as the car fishtailed and we headed onto the on ramp and back to the interstate traffic. It was then and only then that I pulled myself up from the passenger seat floorboard.
I looked over to Matt who was still checking his rearview mirror. “Goodfellow Boulevard. Some name huh?” I forced a laugh.
Matt was quiet.
“You okay?”
Matt took his eyes from the road for just a split second, but long enough to meet my gaze. “Jeremy...I have to pee again!”
