It seems to have become Hollywood’s latest fad to remake films from the horror genre. We have just had two classic series remade courtesy of New Line Cinema, Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street. Now, I will admit neither film was too bad, but I am not a fan of this whole remake a classic train producers and directors have been riding lately. Here are the top five horror films that if remade I would take as a personal attack on the world of cinema.
Jaws-To me this is one of the scariest films of all time! My best friend still has problems getting in the water because of this film…even if it is his own mother’s swimming pool! Spielberg was a genius with his “less is more” philosophy in regards to the use of the shark and Robert Shaw’s performance and chilling monologue about the USS Indianapolis is cinematic history folks! Rumors have been circulating about redoing this classic with CGI…don’t do it! I repeat don’t do it! It won’t be safe to go back into the water…EVER!!!
The Exorcist-This is probably the first horror movie I ever saw…well, heard…my mother went and saw this while she was pregnant with me probably accounting for my corrupted and warped mind. To me, this is a classic tale of good versus evil. The soundtrack is phenomenal. Linda Blair as Reagan was exceptional. Of course CGI could improve aspects of the film, but if you watch the prequel to the series this backs up my case that CGI can’t necessarily pull off the atmosphere one needs for a successful horror film. To me, Blatty’s original tale is one that feeds off of atmosphere! I pray they never decide to remake this classic…it once was an excellent day for an exorcism…but that day has passed Hollywood! Leave it be!
A Nightmare on Elm Street-How can you touch this film? The whole originality of killing one in their dreams! One…two…Freddy’s coming for you! The finger knives! I understand the one liners and special effects are cheesy and as the series continues in number, the films aren’t even that scary..but Robert Englund as Freddy Krueger is an ICON! Okay…I know what you are thinking…they already REMADE this jackleg! I know that…and it PISSES me off! Jackie Earl Haley playing the part of one Fred Krueger in the remake…GIVE ME A BREAK! He did do a descent job…DESCENT! People! He was in Kelly Leak in the Bad News Bears films! Now how terrifying is he? Freddy is Robert Englund’s one claim to fame…Robert Englund is Freddy Krueger and Freddy Krueger is Robert Englund! As Krueger stated in part 4… “I am eternal!”…let’s not disgrace him with an further remakes and bring back Englund for ONE MORE NIGHTMARE!
Ghostbusters-Yes! I consider Ghostbusters a horror film! I mean come on! How many of you had the shit scared outta ya in that opening library scene? Lately there have been talks of either filming a third film or remaking the original. Come on! This is one of the greatest…not just in the horror genre…films of all time! The cast is what makes this film so unstoppable (Dan Akroyd, Bill Murray, Harold Ramis, Ernie Hudson, Rick Moranis, Sigourney Weaver, Larry King…yes folks he was in there!) and the one liners…I can’t tell you how many times my friends and I will spout out a quote from this film if we can… “This chick is toast!” “Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!” “What the hell ya doin’?” Pray to Gozer, Zuul, or whomever you worship that they DO NOT REMAKE THIS FILM!
Halloween-Yes. I know some of you are thinking right now…hey idiot! It was already remade! I know it was! And it was a travesty! In my opinion, Halloween is the GREATEST horror movie of ALL TIME! Little gore…maximum suspense…and that John Carpenter theme is timeless! This is one of the few films that still cause me to glance over my shoulder when viewing it. What was Rob Zombie thinking? I understand what he was trying to do, but why ruin a legendary film such as this? Reportedly only working with a $320,000 budget, the film has gone on to gross over $65 million! If there was no Halloween there would not have been any other of the slasher rip offs off the 80’s. This film should have NEVER been remade! When will this hell end?
Now I will admit, not all remakes have been bad. Here are a few that I consider to be superior to their predecessor:....
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre-Now I know I will probably piss some people off by saying this…the original Chainsaw really was not that good people. Yes it was different. New. Fresh. But really…was it good? No. The updated version was hip. The story was fast paced and gripping. And wow! R. Lee Ermey was phenomenal as Sheriff Hoyt! Some people will say I am not a true lover of horror for knocking Hooper’s original film. I am not knocking it people. I am just giving props where props are due. The 2003 version is much scarier than the original! The film opens with “The film which you are about to see is an account of the tragedy which befell a group of 5 youths.” It would be a tragedy if you did not expose yourself to the remake of this film.
The Amityville Horror-I never liked the original. Do I own the original on DVD…of course, but I own a number of bad horror films on DVD because I am a collector of the genre and this is a necessity. That being said…I also own the 2005 version as well and to me it is a superior film. Is it a great film? NO. But it is better. More suspense. More action. More thrills. And Ryan Reynolds. There is something about that guy. He is a very versatile actor…horror film then stupid hilarious comedy. He played the role of George Lutz to perfection and you could literally feel and become part of his slipping into madness. I also loved the roof scene involving the child…chilling stuff when you have your own children and are able to place them in similar situations. For God’s sake! Watch this film instead!
The Fly-An updating of the 1958 Vincent Price original, this film is both gripping and grotesque. My first dabbling in horror stories was based on the original fly movie…I had been exposed to it by my father when I was younger. I thought it was pretty lame, but the ending with the human head on the fly body was pretty cool. This is not your Vincent Price film ladies and gentlemen. Gore. Gore. Gore. Did I mention gore? Jeff Goldblum does a wonderful job as the lead character and the special effects are well done. This rendition of The Fly would make Vincent Price cry out “Help me! Help me!”
The Thing-A remake of the 1951 film The Thing From Another World, John Carpenter does what he does best…weaves a tale like no other and manages to scare the hell outta ya! The original is a classic, but by no means does it hold ground with Carpenter’s vision. Kurt Russell is awesome as the lead character and the whole film has a feeling of claustrophobic bliss. Carpenter’s creatures in the film are both frightening and downright gruesome..I mean who could ever forget the scene with the guys head stretching off, flipping upside down, sprouting spiderlike legs, and then crawling away? There are rumors that they are planning on remaking this again. Remaking a remake? There is also talk of doing a prequel…now that may have potential!
Dawn of the Dead-Now Romero is the master of the zombie movie, but I have never really been a true fan of his work. Yeah…it is good, but great? I know...I can already hear Romero fans calling for my "Brains!" In 2004 Dawn of the Dead was remade and not only was the film updated, but the concept of the zombie as well. Instead of the slow shuffling moaning zombies, we have kick ass agile and speedy ones making it all the more terrifying! I know, some of you will say slow, pacing zombies are more realistic…but we are talking about zombies here people. You can just throw realism out the window! What hit me the most while viewing this film is the opening scene. I do not want to give anything away, but this moment was enough to put it well above the original in my book!
So Hollywood, yes you have done us some favors by revamping some of these films, but really. Isn’t their enough material out there in which you can come up with something fresh and frightening? If you need some help give me a call. I have a bunch of ideas and would glad to help you out!
I’m thinking…JM
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