Chapter 1.2

Chapter 1.2

JMH Meets

One day at lunch I took this false sense of security with me to the bathroom. Being the self proclaimed genius that I am, I took the back hallway, the less traveled of the only two hallways often referred to as Freshman Hallway. Successfully, I made it there, the entire time watching my back, turning constantly even while pissing not wanting to fall victim to that dreaded thing called a swirley. Having done my business successfully, I returned towards the gym following the same route that I had taken to get to my must needed location.

I entered Freshman Hallway almost finding myself whistling with pleasure and comfort. Now, even though I am not the brightest individual at times (I know I stated that I was a genius earlier but this is my book so I can pretty much do and say what I want) I should have caught that no one else was around in the hall except a group of upper classmen towards the end of the hall with a trashcan in the center of them. An obvious sense of foreshadowing should have transpired within my noggin at that time, especially being the lover of writing and literature that I was and still am. Yet, no such thing transpired and I continued heading down the hallway nodding at these individuals as if they were the closest allies I had ever had in my entire life of existence. Their voices were what snapped me back to reality.

“Hey Greenie!”

I was thrilled. These upper classmen were actually addressing me! And Greenie. What a cute nickname. I was always one for nicknames having gone through pretty much all of my upper grade school years under the nickname of Pooky. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, Pooky was the teddy bear of one famous cat Garfield. How I came about attaining this name is actually quite funny and frightening, but this is a story for another time.

“Have you ever seen the inside of a trashcan Greenie?”

Again, an intriguing question. I had viewed the inside of a trash can on several occasions, as it was my responsibility at home to spray out our trashcans once a week before filling them the hordes of weekly garbage. But were they really wanting to hear my response discussing the various interesting intricate patterns made from damp left over tea bags? I was not sure how to respond to this question so I just decided not to answer.

“We are talking to you man. Come over here.”

I followed the request and moved to the small group from what I remember being about four individuals. It was at this point that I began to get a funny feeling and also began to realize that these individuals were not the Disney friendly type of people that I was hoping to meet. One long haired individual stepped forward and put his arm on my tiny sloped shoulder.

I identified him immediately as Stoney, leader of the Sidestreet Heads. These were the individuals with long hair and smoked on the streets across from the high school gawking at everyone as if they would gut them it they were looked at wrong.

“Sit in the trash can.”

A voice answered before I could realize what was coming out of my mouth. This voice, though not sounding familiar, ended up being my own.

“No.”

No. What was I thinking? I had just told a man named S-T-O-N-E-Y no! I knew then that I was going to die. Going to suffer a long agonizing death. I prepared to meet my doom at the hands of Lord Stoney.

“What?”

“No.”

I could not believe it. I told this man of evil NO again. Now I was sure my doom was at hand.

“I am going to ask you one more time Greenie.” The Stoney Man leaned in close, the smell of Marlboro upon his breath. “Get in the trash can. Get in the trash can now!”

Sensing that I should be grateful that I still had a pulse coursing through my frail body, I this time did as was requested. I sat in the three foot high trash can as the laughter erupted. Though I was not a strong religious individual at the time, I began to pray. I recited the Lord’s Prayer, Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, and even the Good Food Prayer. After I got through all of those religious presentations, I opened my eyes awaiting what would fall upon me. To my surprise my attackers had backed away.

Now, I know you readers are thinking this is where Matt Hails comes in to save the day. After all, this book is the Chronicles of JMH, how we met, and our adventures and lessons learned. Also, here we are at page ten and we should be getting to us meeting. But it was not him that saved me.

Up at the top of the hallway stood my cousin Kenny Benjamin. Kenny was not only my cousin. He was a six foot two inch senior basketball player and pretty much the King of the Jocks. He was the one coming to my aide.

“Leave him alone.” I heard him say. I watched as the Heads evaporated from the area like a cloud of ectoplasm. “That is my cousin.”

Ahh! My hero! Kenny proceeded to tell me to get out of the can. He also stated that if anyone else threatened me or tried to trash me to let him know and he would take care of the situation. I am sure I was grinning from ear to ear at this moment. It was at this point that I realized one of the most important aspects of freshman survival. Travel to the restroom in packs!